I am posting this for my brothers (and sisters) bound by sexual sin who groan for a new story!
This post contains links to many of the amazing resources God has used in my life (as I seek the Lord with my sexuality) and it features many that I have recommended to my brothers and sisters who have a segment of their story marked by sexual sin.
I have discovered no better strategy for fighting a battle with sexual sin than spending time in God’s word, abiding in His love, and studying His grace and design for our sexuality. Therefore, I am sharing these resources because I believe God has more for you. And no matter how defeated you feel by sexual sin, it is not over for you. Because “if you have a heartbeat, you have hope.“ – Levi Lusko, Swipe Right
I believe that Jesus is big enough to save, strong enough to deliver, and will forgive even the deepest and darkest of sin if we will repent and run to Him.
I believe your sex life and spiritual life are linked in ways you may never admit or understand! Sex is a great thing. A good thing. A gift from God. And I would argue one of if not the most powerful things He ever created. But I have titled this post Messy Sex(uality) not because sex is messy. But because few things can derail your future, crash your calling, or cut deeper than sexual sin. (I may write a book about that one day.) But until then I wanted to post all of these in one place with one message.
Jesus Loves you! He offers forgiveness, and only He can give you victory over sexual sin! He can make you new! And He waits with open arms for all who repent, believe, and run to Him. He is the ultimate desire of your heart!
Your sexual sin does not have to define you. There is hope and power in Jesus. A new identity! And He is more desirable than any earthly pleasure.
One Resource for my Brothers: Restored Sex
If you have time for one resource this is the one I suggest. This is the message I wish I could share with every christian brother on this planet. It is about David and Bathsheba, that no man is above sexual temptation, and no one is outside of God’s reach of redemption and forgiveness.
J.D. Greear – Men’s Conference Session 2
RESTORED SEX – 2 Samuel 11-12
Notes from the Sermon
- Sexual sin will absolutely destroy your life. 7m50s
- Get engaged in the battle – 17m “The problem is not lust in the body, it is a bored soul.”
- Keep yourself away from temptation. – 18m “It is easier to avoid temptation that it is to avoid sin.”
- You need to be captivated by Jesus’ beauty. – 19m30s “What you need is an increase in your passion for God!”
- Don’t cover up your sin. 24m45s (Proverbs 28:13)
“Every time you look at Porn you are rewiring your heart to believe three things… A real body is not good enough. Only one body isn’t good enough. And your wife’s body is not good enough.” – 12m30s
“Men! If you have pornography. For the sake of your relationships with all future women, you need to get rid of it today.” – 16m15s
“It is not that your love for sex is too strong, it is that your love for God is too weak.” – 22m25s
One Resource for my Sisters: Unashamed
Hands down if you are my sister in Christ you need to read this book ASAP. The healing this book will bring to your life will forever alter your walk with the Lord in the best way possible. In the book Christine Caine shares her story and the power of Jesus to take away our heaviest burdens of sin, guilt, and shame. (Below is a short trailer and a link to the site for her book.)
Book – Unashamed
- “Jesus called me daughter while I was still messy!” p.83
- “It is not about our doing more for God; it’s about giving God more access so He can do more in us.” p.130
- “God doesn’t waste our hurts – not one of yours, and not one of mine.” p.196
Bible Passages: Strength in Scriptures
God’s word is living and active. Quoting and studying these passages has encouraged my walk, kept me from sin, and allowed Jesus to set me free!
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 (A Life Pleasing to God)
- 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (Fleeing Sexual Sin)
- 2 Corinthians 5:17 (A New Creation)
- 2 Timothy 2:22 (Flee Passions and Pursue Righteousness)
- Romans 13:11-14 (Awake and Put on Christ)
- Psalm 127 (The Lord Builds the House)
- Psalm 51 (Give Me a Clean Heart)
- 3:5-8 (Trust in the Lord)
- 4:23 (Guard Your Heart)
- 4:25 (Your Eyes Look Straight)
- 16:25 (The Way that Seems Right)
- 18:22 (He Who Finds a Wife)
- 22:14 (Mouth of Forbidden Women)
- 23:17-18 (Future Hope)
- 25:28 (Self-Control)
- 26:27 (Dig a Pit and Fall In)
- John 6:35 (The Bread of Life)
- David and Bathsheba | 2 Samuel 11-12
- Samson and Delilah | Judges 14-16
- Adam and Eve | Genesis 2:18-25; Genesis 3
- Joseph and Potiphar’s Wife | Genesis 39:6-12
- Hosea and Gomer | Hosea 1-3 (Relentless Love)
Hosea is one of my favorite Old Testament books. God’s pursuit of us is relentless. I am so thankful that God pursued me, drew me out of darkness, and loves my adulterous heart. That is the story of Hosea. A story of a God whose love is relentless and cannot be shaken. (Below is a cool video I have loved about the story of Hosea that puts this difficult book into perspective.)
This book is gold! Matt wrote it as a study through the Song of Songs and shares the beauty of God’s design for marriage, sex, and redemption. It features Matt’s wit, personal stories, and even a few chapters on fighting for your marriage and dealing with conflict after the wedding night.
This book is a treasure. Jewish boys were not allowed to read Song of Songs in the days of Jesus until they were 30. It is in your Bible right now!! Why haven’t you read it yet? And why not read it with the help of an experienced and amazing guide?
Every 15 year old needs to read this book! This book is about the life and death power of sex and romance. This book is not just about going on great dates, or staying pure until marriage because so much more is at stake.
This book is about finding a calling, and swiping rightly into the life God desires for you regardless of your past. And just in case you settled for what the Devil had in his crock pot, this book is also a declaration of healing. A chance for new beginnings as Jesus can turn your hurt into healing; and pain into power!
Mentioned this earlier. But if you are my sister in Christ you need to read this book. It is an incredible resource for both men and women as Christine Caine shares her story and the power of Jesus to take away our heaviest burdens of sin, guilt, and shame.
I have not gone through the women’s material. But I picked up a study called “Dangerous Men” at a ministry event and that study has been an amazing resource for me. This resource was designed primarily to be used in a group setting.
Resources: Places to Learn More
Below are some great articles and places I go on a regular basis with my questions and learn more about this area.
This is a non-christian organization. But I have found their research and insights into pornography and what it does to our brain, others, and our psyche to be invaluable. It has been a huge help to my walk with the Lord as I have not only seen God’s plan in His word but read story after story from non-christians about why God’s plan for my sexuality is worth fighting for.
Many of these resources are directed at guys because I am one. But this is a resource I have found very helpful and would recommend to my sisters in Christ!
I found Kristen and Bethany though my YouTube feed, subscribed, and continue to enjoy their weekly blog posts and videos about what it means to run after Jesus as a “Girl Defined” and Designed by God. Definitely something any christian sister should check out and maybe even a brother who wants to encourage his sisters to be all God created them to be. I continue to learn so much from them each week.
These short videos have been super helpful as I pursue Jesus and counsel brothers and sisters through some of the deepest struggles and questions of their soul. I also included a video on assurance because I have found it to be very helpful and related to this topic.
- Jesus Bringing Sexy Back | Judah Smith
- Hosea | Judah Smith
- When Your Soul’s Affections are Dead | Matt Chandler
- Love Jesus More Than You Love Anything | John Piper
Here are some of my favorite sermons on this all in one place!
The Fall of David
“It is not that your love for sex is too strong, it is that your love for God is too weak.”
When the Strong Become Weak
“You are your own worst enemy to what God wants to do in your life.”
Swipe Right – The entire series from Fresh Life Church is solid and a great supplement to Levi’s book by the same name.
“The problem is not your sex drive, it is letting sex drive!”
A Beautiful Design – This sermon series from Pastor Matt and the Village church has been a consistent refuge and encouragement to my soul when it comes to rejoicing, studying, and seeing God’s plan and design as beautiful.
Looking to Jesus: Fighting from Victory
As I have processed through all of these resources and lean into God’s word I have grown increasingly aware of this truth again and again.
The guy with a steady diet of porn and a sexual past, is searching for Jesus! And the girl who feels worthless and damaged from her sexual past, is searching for Jesus! That is the reality. We are all searching for Jesus. And no person, picture, or pleasure will ever fill the void only Jesus can fill. He is the only fountain of living water (John 4).
G. K. Chesterton once wrote that “Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.” That is so true. So, whose door are you knocking on? Who’s in your bed? And whose love are you seeking? Because if you are not seeking Jesus, you are running from God, and your destiny will be destruction. And God desires more for you!
If you are a Christ follower your sin does not define you, Jesus does. And if you don’t have a relationship with Jesus. Today is the day of salvation because there is Hope in Jesus for all who will turn from sin (repent) and believe.
So run after Jesus! It is not too late. Run after Him! He is the ultimate desire of your heart and waits with open arms!
I pray as you finish this post that you will turn your eyes to the cross and see Jesus as more desirable than any earthly pleasure this world can offer. Because “It is not that your love for sex is too strong, it is that your love for God is too weak” (J.D. Greear). It will take time. It will not be easy. And you will need to have grace for yourself and a community holding you accountable. But the journey of placing Jesus first as our ultimate desire and affection is worth it and necessary.
In 2016 I sat down with a young man who wanted to fight pornography. After a long conversation I asked him why he wanted porn out of his life. He said… “It is destroying me. My parents know. My girlfriend knows. It is affecting the way I relate to women. And I just want to be normal.” In that moment I looked on him with compassion and deep love as I told him that I could not help him fight his addiction yet. He asked me “why?” And I told him that until the primary reason he wanted to fight porn was not his relationship with others, but because it severed his relationship with his Savior he would forever be fighting for the wrong reasons and without help from the only one “big enough to save, strong enough to deliver, and willing to forgive even the deepest and darkest of sins if we will run to Him.” Jesus is our only hope. And we need a Godly sorrow over our sin that leads to repentance, not just worldly sorrow that swaps out one version of death for another (2 Corinthians 7:10).
The truth is that without Jesus we are no match for sin. But in Jesus we have the victory! It is time we start looking to Him. Walking with Him. And understanding that as followers of Jesus; we don’t fight for victory, we Fight from Victory!